Something to Remember

"Like the 1st Time I saw your Eyes"

At times I don't know which words to choose because I have a bad habit of influencing people. Yet when I really want to be heard they have recollected their ears. My blunders come about by not being able to read deeply into subtlety, some signs on the path I don't see, and taking a wrong turn. Even now my intentions are trying to expose themselves but are blocked by the fear of misinterpreted feedback. So wait until I hear the voice to proceed.

Dear you there,
Allow Me to convince you into taking the keys to My heart, after apologizing for not giving you a clear opportunity to claim the blessing. My securities keep My success minimal yet I see now was all the hindrance. For example.. I kept cool, using My talents on the smallest scale possible to avoid the fame. My relationships are everlasting because I didn't like to let go of what was used to Me. I always thought that if I exposed my true talents and knowledge I'd be attack. The answer is because I was. The reason why is because I was TOO honest. Which over the years diminishes further because I am for peace. Although faced with conflict everyday I used to choose more humble approaches and only react ferociously when My back was to the wall.

Now however, I can no longer maintain that image because My biggest fear was not making it pass 25. I feel cornered because everyone I turned to, all that I shared and gain wisdom from initially are in the afterlife. My Grandda', My little cousin, My favorite cousin, the lady who introduced Me to church. Basically all the people I was attempting to impress. So in a pitiful undisclosed mourning... I detached Myself from the World. I gave it love when, I saw it needed as well as the knowledge which was passed to Me to pass. Yet My tone was not as Dominant when the message was positive.

My Goals were accomplished. I was on International News [CNN], I lived in a house of My Own, I had 2 cars, Girls/Guns/Ganja.. Bank Money, Cash, Investments, a business. All that shit gone now. As well as the Respect it gave Me. And no one remembers because all they wanted were materials with No Substance. When I was allegedly at 'The Top' one of the people that saw My Greater potential told Me "fast money goes just as fast as you make it if not faster".. I listened a little but invested wrongly because I put it into a way to get FASTER money. So now I'm in the Middle.. because I fought from the bottom but to THEM (those who received my excess) I still ain't shit, I guess because all I have to give is love and wisdom. Back to the Top I go but this time "On Purpose"

From: The Real Me

Dues

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Passion for Progress

I remember since the 80's I wanted to be the Greatest everything...
Anything I had an interest in I tried.. if I liked it I still do it.
My strong memory is sometimes My down fall though..
I remember being on CNN, I remember being interviewed by Washington Post, Baltimore Sun, meeting the Mayor, winning awards. I remember that feeling of natural success and random accomplishment through which I believed was normal yet to others was hard work and appreciated. The sad part is I remember how that feels exactly.. and a feeling I haven't felt in a while.

Helping others is something I've always done and I still do it.. for the love. However this world has grown so manipulative and selfish it seems like its a whole big ass joke. Once upon a time I would say fuck Money you can have that shit... I'm noticing the only way to maintain Power is with Money because without it your Respect is minuet.

Giving to the homeless used to be My favorite thing to do. Just giving out $10s and $5s and just pouring dollars into anyone's hands if they need it, wanted it or just was around at the time. Where is that feeling? I shook some of it because it was borderline greed it turned Me into a Monster... But without it I'm being viewed as a nothing.

There were times where I'd ask My sister to join Me in counting. My brothers and siblings would ask and I'd deliver. Yet now that those energies have turned and all I really want is that same love and respect a cold stare and whispers and laughter at my situation is all that's available.

Once upon a time.. I was Smart, I was Strong, I was Admired and even Feared... Now because all that I can share is My knowledge all in My ear is "Nigga I ain't know you was here". But soon you'll see and they will too.. When I'm back on Top and My Funds Regroup when they beg again when their personalities switch... My reply is "Fuck You Too... I remember that shit"

Jobs and all fillin' out apps galore when way back then I'd just walk into the store. Is this a sign that I'm walkin the wrong path or direction to where I should be movin' to fast. The subtle signs I can't take nomore.. So upon Myself I shall wage this war. Because when I was good I got nothing but bad but when I am bad I have the world in My hands. But the love is different so Imma try to stay positive.. but its the other Me who I was when I was On Top of Shit.

Guess I'll abide by one of them Laws Machiavelli had "A Prince must know when to be BAD". Broke shit is was started Me off. Greed gave Me a lust to fill My pockets up, and once they bust, to go to the mall. My Confidence is what brought Me the broads.. but the ones who were the closest were worthless so, fuck 'em all. Imma get a lot of criticism because of this change but it seems to be the keep to release some of these chains because I'm always connected to pain. But I need to do somethin' else before I end up goin' insane.

ALL OVER AGAIN